Saturday, December 27, 2008

Who is Stealing the Time Capsules?

New Years is upon us and we all know what that means. It's Time Capsule Season! The odd thing about time capsules is that they have a tendency to disappear - an estimated 80% of time capsules are lost before their scheduled opening date. There are a number of convenient explanations - thievery, lost records, secrecy and ground water. But I have another theory - time capsules are stolen by time travelers from the future. Here are two possible explanations for why they would do this:

1. They know that most of the artifacts in the capsules will not survive, but wish to study them. Since many of the capsules are sealed and isolated, they can acquire them with less risk of altering the time line. Time travelers can retrieve the capsule before it is lost or destroyed.  Maybe the missing capsules contain lost items vital to survival in the future, but cannot the retrieved through time travel without accidentally creating a future in which we are enslaved by apes or robots.

2. Time travelers seek to destroy time capsules because they contain unholy artifacts from the past that could contaminate and destroy the perfect utopian (or dystopian) society they have created.

Or it could be a combination of both groups competing to steal time capsules to preserve or overthrow society without erasing themselves.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Season's Greetings!

Dalek Carols - 3dCritter

Daleks are terrible singers, but it's best to offer cookies and eggnog anyway. Holiday greetings to  Chris, Steve, Randal, Becca, Dean Wormer, Dr. Zaius and all the other thought criminals who endure.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Oh Great - I Caught A Story Virus

Dr. Zaius has tagged me with a Splotchy story meme:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours. Splotchy

The Apple

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I couldn't believe my eyes. Surrepticiously, I tried to establish, without giving it away, if anyone else had seen what I had. For ten years I had been looking for that box. What looked like an ordinary cardboard box to most contained something most precious. Only by the small golden "P" was I able to identify what I was looking at. (Freida Bee)

My heart leapt into my throat with anticipation as my mind leapt to the inevitable conclusion as to the origin of the box, and so I decisively leapt to my feet to claim my newly found, long lost prize! Quick as a bunny I tucked the precious box under my arm and rang the buzzer to get off at the next stop. I could feel the warmth of the regurgitative quasi-pietic spandrels right through my jacket as my long lost apparatus' sinusoidal vaneshaft quietly trilled, "pocketa pocketa pocketa..." Finally, the missing device was mine once again! (Zaius)

At this point, I should describe the marvelous device contained in the box. When I was just a little lad, my daddy brought me a toy he'd made down at the lab. Joe Bethancourt wrote a song about it:

And now, once again I have my marvelous toy back. I have no idea how they caught it, but my son is going to be so excited this Christmas! (ThoughtCriminal)

I now infect the next chapter on: Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and Dr. Monkerstein.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Superior Firepower

I think it would be cool to have a button in my home that when pressed,  opens a wall to reveal a massive arsenal of Nerf(tm) weapons. Sort of like the weapons room in  Men In Black. Also,  a shotgun rack for my pick-up truck equipped with a Nerf Bazooka and Super-Soaker.  Above: The Nerf Vulcan EBF-25

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Who Throws a Shoe? Honestly.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Charlie Chaplin's Speech from 'The Great Dictator'

Text from WikiQuote

Monday, December 8, 2008

Nuke the Blimps!

Nevada test Site, August 7, 1957. Airships were included in the Plumbbob/Stokes nuclear weapon test to see how close anti-submarine patrol airships could survive a blast after dropping a nuclear depth charge. But, I suspect that the real reason was that by 1957, they were starting to run out of "What can we blow up next?" stuff.

Friday, December 5, 2008

The History Eraser Button

Are you sure you want to erase history? [Yes] [No]

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Two Words You Do Not Want In Your Obituary

Dental Records

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Blog Rules

It has always been impossible to be original, but thanks to the Internet, you can find out that you are unoriginal almost instantaneously.

I'm sure somebody has pointed this out before now.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Scooty-Puff Engrish

From a neighbor's scooter.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Butterfly Effect

There are no immovable objects, all forces are irresistible.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Bad Guys Fall in Poop

Yesterday we won, today we gloat, tomorrow we work.

Update 11/18 - OK, one more time for Senator Ted Stevens (R-Prison).

Monday, November 3, 2008

Monday November 3 - Hour of the Wolf

Have you ever heard of the hour of the wolf?

My father told me about it. It's the time between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart.

-- Ivanova in Babylon 5: The Hour of the Wolf

It was the end of the Earth year 2260, and the war had paused, suddenly and unexpectedly. .. All around us, it was as if the universe were holding its breath, waiting. All of life can be broken down into moments of transition or moments .. of revelation. This had the feeling of both.

G'Quan wrote: 'There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.'

-- G'Kar in Babylon 5: Z'ha'dum

Friday, October 24, 2008

Election Toss Up

Obama draws crowds of 100,000 in St. Louis, 75,000 in Kansas City. Meanwhile in Columbia MO, McCain arrived to find "A crowd of about 15 people assembled outside the airport's fence to see him descend from the plane". Oh sure, this election is tossup.

Not Natural

Last weekend a Michigan man was arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. I am certain that this behavior is not natural since "Nature abhors a vacuum".

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Blogger's Block

When I don't post anything new for more than 10 days. It doesn't mean I'm dead.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Sarah Palin at the Bridge of Nowhere

Palin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Palin: My name is Sarah Palin.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Palin: To seek the office of Vice President of the United States.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite newspaper?
...long pause..
Palin: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 29, 2008

How About an Ice Cold Can of...


Meanwhile, John Mccain claims credit for bailout bill - then it fails to pass.
Follow up - Senator McCain now says that "Now is not the time to fix the blame" - Two hours after his campaign blamed Senator Obama.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Goodbye Paul Newman

Some of the best hours ever spent at the movies.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Give us 700 Billion Dollars!

Or the Piñata gets it!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Top 12 Movie Signs that a Cult is Evil

  • High Priest/Ruler has a beard, but no moustache
  • Altar is constructed of human skulls
  • Stone/Gold idol has more than one head
  • Headgear has horns.
  • Big production number with dancing girls
  • Crystal Ball can pan and zoom
  • Temple is built on volcano
  • Collars are higher than head
  • Enormous Gongs
  • Bush/Cheney bumper sticker is still on chariot
  • Sweaty, shirtless henchmen
  • Church has dungeons, trap doors and secret passages

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Job Satisfaction

I've noticed that movie "Mad Scientists" really seem to enjoy their work. Maybe high school guidance counselors should take note. (Dr Almada from a scene from The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy)

Monday, September 8, 2008

What would you Shoot for a Klondike Barbie?

New plan: Nuke Moose and Squirrel!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

National Review proposed New Orleans for 2008 RNC

Back in September of 2005 the National Review ran an editorial proposing that New Orleans be the site of the 2008 Republican National Convention.:

"No single step would go further to dramatize the GOP's commitment to rebuilding New Orleans than announcing now that the party's 2008 convention will be held in the recovering city. Such a move would signal the party's confidence in the Big Easy's renewal, and put it at the forefront of what should be similar commitments from private actors to do their part to help New Orleans come back."

Now considering, Hurricane Gustav heading for the Louisiana coast and the "Focus on the Family" video requesting that Christians pray for it to rain during Senator Obama's acceptance speech in Denver, it would have made for an interesting week if the GOP had taken that advice.

Hoping everybody on the Gulf Coast gets through this one OK.

OK, I Frakking Get It!

"Frak" means the same thing as "Smurf".
And speaking of Battlestar Galactica, I had earlier noted the physical resemblance between Senator McCain and Colonel Saul Tigh. Maybe it's just the glasses or the somewhat rhyming names, but Gov. Sarah Palin, reminds me of President Laura Roslin. Does Number One Observatory Circle have an airlock?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

How many people have ever lived?

Estimates vary from 45-120 billion. Due to uncertainties in when Homo Sapiens began (or even which homids to include), and the lack of robust statistical data on population and birth rates until modern times, these estimates are likely to be off by billions or even tens of billions.

The most recent estimate that I've found is from a Population Reference Bureau article which placed the number of people that have been born from 50,000 BC to mid-2002 at 106,456,367,669

Taking estimated birth rates for 2003-2008 and starting with the estimated mid-2002 population (6,215,000,000) and population estimates for each year to mid-2008, I calculated that approximately 776 million people have been born since the 2002 estimate - putting the total number of humans born at over 107 billion. Based on the current estimate for world population (6,677,564,000 for July 2008), this would means that about 6.2 % of all humans who have ever lived, are alive today.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Santo vs. The Invasion of the Martians

I'm just not creative this week, but here's a fun trailer from SANTO VS LA INVASION DE LOS MARCIANOS. I want one of those blinking helmets.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

How does Klaatu live so long?

Anybody want to guess the cause of death for the "3rd class witchdoctor"?

Friday, August 1, 2008

Here's the plan: First we get captured...

This seems to be one of the most common plot devices for espionage and sci-fi series episodes and movies. Why don't villains recognize that their plans for global/galactic/universal domination would almost always succeed if they did NOT capture their opponents? There is a near 100% probability that they will escape and find the nuclear self destruct button or functional equivalent. This is greatly assisted by corridors in their starship/skull cave/headquarters that are designed to allow maximum concealment and recruitment of henchmen with very restricted vision.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Ship of Monsters

Exerpt from "La Nave De Los Monstruos" (Ship of Monsters). A classic Mexican Horror/SciFi/Singing Cowboy/Comedy

Monday, July 21, 2008

Swimming Games

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Epic Election Predictions

An update of an earlier prediction

Friday, July 11, 2008

Choose your Comic Boss

There's "Mr. Dithers", from the days when your boss could actually kick your ass and get away with it.

The "Evil in every way imaginable" Mr. Burns

The clueless "PHB"

Or "Mr. Scorpio". The perfect boss at the perfect company - except for that small problem with the government.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Going to hospital this week

For some routine tests. I have been assured that they...

Won't hurt much

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

He is Spartacus! ...

Can I go now?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Galactic Orientation - Visitor's Edition

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

It's Dave man! Will you open up? I got the stuff with me!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Knock-knock! ... Who's There? ... Armageddon! ...

Armageddon Who?

Armageddon tired of waiting for the Apocalypse!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Graveyard of the B-36

The Convair B-36 "Peacemaker" was a interesting aircraft. It's huge size and combination of both pusher-prop and jet engines made it very distinctive.

B-29 and XB-36 size comparison

The B-36 fuselage was as 163 feet long, the wing span 230 feet and the tip of the rudder was 46 feet 10 inches off the ground. The largest combat aircraft ever built, the B-36 was the first bomber capable of delivering thermonuclear weapons and with a range of over 6,000 miles and a maximum payload of at least 72,000 lbs, the B-36 was the first operational bomber with an intercontinental range. The first XB-36 flight occured on August 8, 1946 and the last flight (a B-36J) flew from Davis-Monthan AFB near Tucson, Arizona to Wright-Patterson AFB near Dayton, Ohio on April 30, 1959.

Of the 325 that were built, only four have survived intact.

The Boneyard

At the Historic Aerials website, you can find images of the aircraft "boneyard" at Davis-Monthan AFB in 1958. By my count, there are 160 B-36 aircraft that are awaiting scrapping or are in the process of being cut up. There are 24 more south of this image link below, and two more on the north side of the base.

Link: B-36 Aircraft at Davis-Monthan AFB in 1958

Hundreds of B-29s, B-47s and other aircraft can also be seen stored at the facility.

For more information about the B-36, see

Monday, May 26, 2008

Secret Ballot

John McCain is certainly not the only person who may be lying about not voting for Bush, but he would probably be the only person who is lying about AND claiming to have voted FOR him.

Meanwhile, I can't help posting this "Separated at birth" image of Colonel Saul Tigh from Battlestar Galactica.

End of the Line

There are few places where "End of the Line" is more pronounced than on the Pike's Peak Cog Railway .

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Mission Accomplished

I often use that phrase when I screw up.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Yet Another Installment of Galactic Orientation

This is for the 28%

Sunday, April 6, 2008

More Allergies

Maybe if I quit taking Claritin-D, I could develop my allergies into a "Super-Power"... Like the Green Fury.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

That which does not destroy us...

makes us sneeze.

Given the severity my allergies lately, I'm beginning to think that which makes me sneeze may end up destroying us.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Galactic Orientation - Moving Edition

Actually, it was only 120 miles. But it felt a lot like that.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Self Referencing Sentences

This statement is a paradox.

Monday, March 3, 2008

In the Future...

Everything will be RETRO!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hell - Here's the deal...

You get all the crap you want in Hell, but you have to move it all - every six months. And no yard sales or trips to Goodwill. Any idea how much broken consumer electronics you can accumulate after a quadrillion years?

ThoughtCriminal is moving next week.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Galactic Orientation - Part 2

Friday, February 22, 2008

THE CIA goes to the Movies!

via Cynical-C
Central Intelligence Agency rewrite of Animal Farm

"Many people remember reading George Orwell's "Animal Farm" in high school or college, with its chilling finale in which the farm animals looked back and forth at the tyrannical pigs and the exploitative human farmers but found it "impossible to say which was which."

That ending was altered in the 1955 animated version, which removed the humans, leaving only the nasty pigs. Another example of Hollywood butchering great literature? Yes, but in this case the film's secret producer was the Central Intelligence Agency.

The C.I.A., it seems, was worried that the public might be too influenced by Orwell's pox-on-both-their-houses critique of the capitalist humans and Communist pigs. So after his death in 1950, agents were dispatched (by none other than E. Howard Hunt, later of Watergate fame) to buy the film rights to "Animal Farm" from his widow to make its message more overtly anti-Communist."
Later, the CIA bought the rights to Animal House, thinking that it was going to be a remake of Animal Farm. The project was abandoned and sold off soon after they found out it had nothing to do with Orwell's novel, but not before they tinkered with some possible rewrites. In the CIA version, the Omega House triumphs over the Deltas , saves Dean Wormer and the Faber College Homecoming Parade.

Dean Wormer with future White House aide and CIA Director, Gregg Marmalar.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

ThoughtCriminal's Fearless Election Prediction

For anyone who thinks that it won't make a difference who they vote for, consider what will happen if Kang makes the next Supreme Court appointments!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Galactic Orientation - Part 1

Friday, February 15, 2008

Harlequin NASCAR Romances

Sample dialog:
"You have no idea what an intake manifold is, do you?"
"No, but sounds hot."

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Future...

Approximate size comparison of "Space Station V" from 2001: A Space Odyssey to the International Space Station (2006).

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Electron Microscope Saved from Landfill

Built in 1951 by the Radio Corporation of America
"In the hallway at the vet school is an *old* electron microscope. I didn't know how old untill I had a conversation with Dr. C, who rescued it from being sent to the landfill at his old university, and had it brought here..." (thanks to Eve)
Next time I'm at the dump, I hope I can find an "Interocitor".

Replacement parts may be hard to find though.